Tag Archives: Starburst

Starburst Candy Cures Lupus! . . .I Wish (#HAWMC 20)

Today’s HAWMC prompt is:

Write a news-style article on a miracle cure. What’s the cure? How do you get the cure?

In my other life as a pop culture expert, I fell in love with tabloids. So my story is short, sweet, and ready for the National Enquirer.

Starburst Candy Cures Lupus!

Dr. Katina Rae Stapleton has discovered the cure for Lupus pain – Starburst Candy. Katina has had lupus since she was a teen. One year she went South for a family vacation and was bed-ridden at her grandparents’ homes for two weeks. She ran out of prescription pain meds and decided to pretend that Starbursts would stop the pain. It worked, but Katina was sure the cure was only in her mind. Years later after she went to graduate school and learned how to conduct scientific studies, Katina secretly tested the Starburst cure on herself. Every time her muscles hurt she eats Starbursts instead of taking painkillers. She gained a lot of weight, but is now pain-free. Even if this turns out to be a placebo effect, Starbursts rule.

Disclaimer: This story is sort-of-true. Katina really was stuck in bed for TWO weeks and ate packs and packs of Starbursts to keep from crying. Even though she still believes in her heart-of-hearts that candy makes the world a better place, she can’t prove that Starbursts stop lupus pain. If you have lupus pain, get proper medical treatment. And perhaps a massage (if your doctor thinks it is a good idea).

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